By Anida Camdzic
That was a nightmare again.
How I wish to get a good sleep after a long time. Been spending sleepless nights while being chased with my own thoughts. Till when?
I am tired. I am tired of being hunted, prisoned and oppressed with all the photos in my head.
Is He sending me a sign? A sign to stop thinking about changing myself before it is too late? What if I had died last night and hadn’t even started changing myself?
Would He forgive me? Would He be satisfied with the actions I had done?
How good am I?
We all do love bragging about ourselves, if we don’t who else would? And who cares? You don’t need anyone to brag about you, your success and your beauty.
You only need Him, to be satisfied with you waking up for early prayer this morning, for not skipping any prayer yesterday, for smiling to others and not chasing the Dunya.
And isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it beautiful to spend moments in Sujood, hearing birds at the background, being touched with the morning wind at down?
It is. But I missed it again. I again chose Dunya and not Him. I missed the prayer that always gives me serenity, peace and strength for everything awaiting for me ahead. And I don’t know how the day will be, but I know that if I have fulfilled my duty toward Him, He would make my path smoother. My day brighter and my burdens easier.
But I got up this morning again taking a quick bath, and rushing to catch the latest train. I can’t miss the train,my boss will get upset if I am late again. My lecturer wont be happy with me coming late and interrupting the lecture again.
I didn’t get a time to think about my Creator. How about Him? Would He be happy because I forgot Him again this morning?
Does it ever stop you to think where do you place Him? The One who sends you happiness, strength and patience.
Have you thought that He might be upset because you oversleep the morning prayer again? Would He turn away from you because your meeting made you skip the Zuhr prayer ? And yes, I was running home late, just could not catch the Asr prayer.
It is okay. He is the Most Forgiving. The Most Merciful. – I was uttering softly, not thinking about why should He forgive me when I don’t show a bit of concern, when I don’t make time for Him? And Him? Knowing that you might pray later, combining it all together, if you don’t die on the way to there, still forgives you.
He still answers your prayers. And I don’t want to ask don’t you feel ashamed knowing that you have been transgressing and disobeying Him, Your Lord, Your Maker?! But, I am wondering, you really don’t feel embarrassed to ask Him to help you pass final exams? To help you get thru a calamity, because it is such a burden and you cannot carry it all alone?
Where do you stand? How much you are wiling to show that you love Him more than anything? That Dunya is nothing and it shall pass in the blink of an eye.
Your deeds might be evaluated by your intentions because He is the only One who knows what you carry in your heart. Your intentions go in hand to hand with your deeds. And don’t be deluded, tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Not to you, not to me.
You may die while you are reading this. And imagine. Is there anything scarier than dying with no prayers, with no good deeds and with Imaan that is about to fade?
The time to change is now. And not today, not tomorrow, not when you are ready. It is now. He will always embrace you back. Even when you die, you will be back to Him. Just come back to Him before it is too late. And you never know when your moment will come. When He will decide to take you back forever. Be ready to meet Him nad never lose your prayer for Dunya’s matters. If you lose your prayers, you lose both, Dunya and Akhirah. But if you lose Dunya, and let it not delude you, you gain everything. His love and satisfaction. And what else matters?
“And the prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is a daily admission of your weakness.”
Prayer is gratitude. Gratitude for opening your eyes again this morning. Gratitude for being healthy. Gratitude for being chosen amongst 7 billion people. Gratitude for being a Muslim.
And remember to start each day with a grateful heart.